Skip to main content

||Dear dilemma..



I was going through your pictures, your texts, your IMs and I realised I missed you. I also realised I shouldn't. Its hard without you, without someone who made me take things a little lightly when I was all stressed out. Now without you, I'm bursting at the seams. I would be lying if I said I got over you the moment I deleted your numbers, because I kind of have them memorised, because when I was deleting some old pictures, I had to halt at one of yours.

I'm not framing these words to make you realise how much you hurt me, but because I need you to know. I needed you to know then and I told you what you meant to me through my words. And I need you to know now, that however strong I act, a tear reaches my eyes as soon as I see you. I need you to know that your voice makes me break down and I need you to know that I'm too weak to face you now. Because its all in my eyes, all the pain, the longing, its all there. One look, and my eyes would give me away. Understand that I can never hate you and know that I can't try any more because I don't want to feel weak ever again.

There's a void in my life now and I know no one will ever be able to take your place. Trust me, I've tried. I look around and find every place here has a memory. Every little thing reminds me of you. I listen to people talking and get caught on words you always used. I miss the silly banters which made no sense to anyone but us. I miss that I can't tell you I miss you anymore because I've given up. Although its easier said than done. Somewhere there's still that flicker of hope that one day you'll look back, you'll realise what changed, the day you wouldn't have to ask me for answers, you'll know! The day you'll realise they weren't just song lyrics, when you'll know all those statuses were for you, when you'll feel the pain you've caused and come rushing back.

But of course, its all a daydream, because you'll never look beyond those eyes that caught your attention ever again. I'll be waiting though, I just wish you realise before I really do give up on you. Because boy, I'm sure no one ever loved someone the way I love you.

#hypothetical :)

Comments

Post a Comment

What do you think?

Popular posts from this blog

||Fall, Comfort Shows and Escapism..

As I find myself three seasons into my favourite show again, I involuntarily see the patterns and lack thereof every time I’m inclined to watch it.  Gilmore Girls. If you seek me out on a random day and ask me my favorite show, you may never get the same answer twice. I don’t like being held down to favorites and my mood swings like a chandelier most days. But if you ask me which show I gravitate towards most, this is the one I’ll quote. If you see me talking in weird phrases and references that don’t make sense, this show is the culprit. Having watched it over 7 times in just 3 years, it amazes me how I’ve watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. way less times even though it might be the show I look to for comfort. If you ask me what I watch when I’m sad, I’d probably say This is Us. Somewhere between the spectrum where one end is F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and the other This is Us, smushed between How I Met Your Mother, Suits, The Office, New Girl, and a number of other shows I like to rewatch, is Gilmore Gi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Welcome to this stupid post

  It has been a year and a half since I last wrote anything, well, significant. (Coincidentally, also the exact age of my dog.) So I figured it was time to get out all the stupid. Here goes nothing. He’s twenty eight, almost twenty nine. January has always been a difficult month, it’s been the month of departures in his life. Most people are excited about the hope January brings with it, he’s terrifyingly cautious of the signs it brings - of people leaving, of things changing, and basically everything going to shit. His fears are not unfounded, he’s not a vague person like that. He’s seen things happen, he’s felt things hurt and he’s experienced darkness in its complete, mystifying totality. People think he's naïve, his problems self-made but tell that to the spiraling tornado in his head that won't quit screaming. Fast forward to two years later, it's his thirtieth birthday eve. He grew up celebrating and anticipating this month, now he plans to sleep well before midnight....
Post a Comment
Read more

||Tell me why..

He nudged her to bring her out of her reverie. She was lost again, zoned out, overthinking. "Penny for  your thoughts? Or do you want it to be punny?" She laughed in that way she only laughed with him and broke out of her spell. It was easy being around him, effortless. It didn't matter what she had to do to be near him or how many intolerable yet genius puns she had to endure to hear him giggle at his own damn jokes. Maybe that's exactly why she couldn't describe what about him made her happy. She had been asked that often, a lot, really. And she couldn't figure out how anybody who knew him even the tiniest bit couldn't understand it. It felt natural for her to gravitate towards him because he was it. Not in the epic love story and grand gestures way but just the I-can-just-be-myself-around-you-and-you-put-me-at-ease way. She was wound up and every year of her life and every incident that came along with it had built her up a nice, cosy layered wall tha...
Post a Comment
Read more