Nostalgia Engulfed...

He nudged her to bring her out of her reverie. She was lost again, zoned out, overthinking. "Penny for  your thoughts? Or do you want it to be punny?" She laughed in that way she only laughed with him and broke out of her spell. It was easy being around him, effortless. It didn't matter what she had to do to be near him or how many intolerable yet genius puns she had to endure to hear him giggle at his own damn jokes. Maybe that's exactly why she couldn't describe what about him made her happy. She had been asked that often, a lot, really. And she couldn't figure out how anybody who knew him even the tiniest bit couldn't understand it. It felt natural for her to gravitate towards him because he was it. Not in the epic love story and grand gestures way but just the I-can-just-be-myself-around-you-and-you-put-me-at-ease way. She was wound up and every year of her life and every incident that came along with it had built her up a nice, cosy layered wall tha...

She opened her eyes and peeked at the light seeping in through the curtains. The light didn't wake her, her thoughts did. She tried to get up, but couldn't, her legs seemed incapable of moving. It was cold and it made her want to curl up inside her blanket and never wake up. She glanced at her Kindle, lying two feet away from her. She thought of the book that she'd been dying to read a month ago. And then she thought about how she hadn't been able to read in days. She tried to sit up and look at the sun - absorb some of its magnificent energy to be able to get on with her day. She thought about what lay ahead of her for the day. Meetings, unnecessary stress, disappointment and waiting - a whole lot of waiting for someone who couldn't care less. She closed her eyes to push her thoughts away and before she knew it, she was asleep again. She woke up in the middle of the day to realise she's missed work, work calls and more contact from people who didn't matt...

'Introvert!' 'She's not much of a people person.' 'He's weird.' 'Annoying.' 'Perfect!' How dare you? How dare you limit an entire person, his whole life, her complete individuality to a single word? How do you describe a person you have barely, superficially known for only a chunk of his lifetime in a few, simple words? Is this why we have eulogies? To make up for all the limiting things we say about people when they're alive. Is it a way to apologise for trying to put down a number on the distance between their being and the horizon? Are we trying to make up for the infinite possibility in them that we carelessly ignore? 'How would you describe your personality?' 'I'm lazy. I prefer pulling up my blanket to turning off the fan 'cause the switch isn't an arm's length away. I put down books when I don't love them anymore because they remind me of how my preferences change....

She had this way of living in the past, that's what he always said, didn't he? "Why are you living in the past? It's like you are obsessed with everything you had but lost." She couldn't disagree, the polaroid camera in her hands was proof enough. She trudged on, looking for things that caught her attention - a tiny squirrel, a disoriented puppy, clouds that made the day feel gloomy. She had become so attached to the pictures she had taken over the years, her room showed more pictures than walls. It was like she didn't want any moment to run away, like catching butterflies. She felt the inside pocket of her jeans, still there, tattered from the multiple failed attempts of tearing it apart. The first polaroid. It was the only picture she had with him. Of him. He gave her photography, an eye for details, an obsession with moments. He had lost someone. Someone he could never get over. He made up for it by trying to capture everything that touched him. He pa...

"Are you a mountains or a beach person?" "Mountains." I loved the mountains. I loved the green, long, winding roads with me and my friends in a car. I loved traveling to the apex and feeling like being on the top of the world. I loved the ear-pop games the altitude played with me.  I loved the adventure that the mountains always stood for, beckoning from high above, tempting to be discovered. I always did things I had never done before. I looked forward to these firsts. Sometimes I went to watch the same movies twice or thrice, but does that really count? I went on long walks. I spent nights just blabbing away with friends. I took 3 am bike rides across the city. I talked to people. Finally. And I couldn't stop. I loved wine, and a good ol' girls' night out. I loved my roommate, who dressed up to work and made me do the same. I loved the late night musings on a balcony with a cuppa coffee in one hand. I loved gaming arcades and how my friend cheat...

I stare at the words in front of me that I've highlighted but failed to comprehend. I know this is important but my brain cannot fathom why. Instead, it takes its voluntary infamous trips to the past, it digs out memories I hate but those that define me. These memories are like popups, my brain has this ability to find out things that would trigger my current state - statements from the past, feelings from the archives. Maybe everyone is like that, maybe that's how they punish themselves, for what though, I fail to understand. My laptop is at 2%, I am too lazy to find the charger. I want to curl up and sleep. But I also want to think about that one time when I said I could never compare to her because she was too beautiful. "So pretty he can't take his eyes off her", is what I believe I'd said. And apparently, at 1 am in the morning, this is what I want to think about. "But let's not talk about such things okay?" Okay. But how do I...

Tonight I have decided to take up a Herculean task and I know I might get a lot of flak for it but tonight, TONIGHT I'm gonna *attempt* to defend Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. I'm gonna attempt to answer all those people who go "Really? You like that movie?" with a not-so-slight hint of judgement in their voice. Tonight I will attempt to explain to you why the plot of a movie isn't everything. So okay, let's start with why most people don't like the movie. Too much drama. Check. Wannabe unexpected plot twist. Check. Hype to friendzone. Check. Overpriced casting ensemble. Check. Blah. Blah. Blah. People will go on and on if you just utter the movie name in front of them. Eh.. why am I wasting my energy then? I'd rather focus on the good parts now. For me, whether or not I like a movie is hugely dependent on my mood, the phase I am going through and most importantly, if it's the slightest bit relatable. To tell you the truth, I'm really not that hard t...