Skip to main content

||Endings..

I just read an awesome blog so I wanted to write, plus its been long, really long.

I've always had a hard time with endings. Its not so much about something not existing anymore, rather about missing the essence of something that made your life concrete. Sixteen days from now, my college life comes to an end. Unlike school, where the feeling sunk in after I had already passed a year at college, this ending really stings. Firstly because I didn't interact with people for seven hours a day but actually lived with them. I shared happiness over innumerable cups of coffee. I woke up to the tunes of 'Kolaveri Di', kicking and screaming at my roommates to wake up and rush to the exam hall after having slept for just an hour. I shed silent tears at the window a few late nights and looked to my best friend to hug me amidst violent sobs a few other times. Being a person who has the emotional comfort level of about zero and is awkward around people by default, I actually made people smile when they were at their worst.

I'll miss gift hunting for birthdays and special occasions, striving so hard to get that perfect gift or birthday celebration for everyone who mattered.
I'll miss hanging out in the campus in evenings, sometimes catching a few lucky glimpses and sometimes dreading run-ins.
I'll miss late night philosophical conversations over Maggi about how we ended up totally different from what we wanted to be.
I'll miss having telepathic conversations with people who know what's on my mind with the slightest change in my expressions.
I'll miss waiting for that one call that never came, all the while trying to distract myself with listless things.
I'll miss making fun of people while sipping coffee sitting on the stairs near the buses in Campus 3 that never took us anywhere.
I'll miss my friends. Any and all of them. Ranging from the ones I had the smallest conversations with to the ones I spent entire days with to the ones who never came back.
I'll miss planning trips to places and never executing them.
I'll miss sudden movie plans and rushing to make it to the hostel within the entry time.
I'll miss staying up all night overthinking and watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. to make it all better.
I'll miss the food binges I went on when I was sad or disappointed or just bored.

I'll miss the strange classrooms where we floated paper boats in heavy rains, I'll miss the teachers who called us all sorts of funny things, I'll miss scoring from an 'O' to a 'D' but thankfully never an 'F' *touchwood*.I'll miss the long balcony-like pathways in the Electronics department where we used to sneak in during ongoing construction. I'll miss the nervous fits before every viva-voce, exam and presentation even though they all pretty much ended the same way. I'll miss D-block, and the times when we gave exams in the later half of the day. When we came out of the exam halls and cool breeze hit our faces and we went to 'Coffee Break' and entered our hostels late. I'll miss the pointless Facebook posts which turned into long, funny chats. I'll miss having chocolate icecream while taking a stroll with friends in a campus as beautiful as any. I'll miss late night phone calls about nothing in particular and everything in general. I'll miss the smirks on my friends' faces everytime I talked to a cute guy.

I'll miss the annoying bird that wakes me up every morning by pecking on my window. God, its annoying! I'll miss the intolerable heat in summers, having to shower as many as six times a day. I'll miss having people around who thought the same way as me and were awesome enough to stick around. I'll miss having the courage to say everything that came to my mind because this wasn't the 'serious' phase of my life. I'll miss being gifted "Bournville Cranberry"s and sticking the wrappers on my cupboard. I'll miss the birthday treats, the endless discussions about what to wear. I'll miss having days where I dressed up like a 'tapori' and also the ones where I actually behaved like a girl. I'll miss the huge pool of intellect around me. I'll also miss the dumb ones, the fake ones, and the rude ones for totally different reasons. I'll miss obsessing over Virat Kohli and Siddharth Malhotra along with my bestie.

Most of all, I'll miss me when I was here.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

||Labels..

'Introvert!' 'She's not much of a people person.' 'He's weird.' 'Annoying.' 'Perfect!' How dare you? How dare you limit an entire person, his whole life, her complete individuality to a single word? How do you describe a person you have barely, superficially known for only a chunk of his lifetime in a few, simple words? Is this why we have eulogies? To make up for all the limiting things we say about people when they're alive. Is it a way to apologise for trying to put down a number on the distance between their being and the horizon? Are we trying to make up for the infinite possibility in them that we carelessly ignore? 'How would you describe your personality?' 'I'm lazy. I prefer pulling up my blanket to turning off the fan 'cause the switch isn't an arm's length away. I put down books when I don't love them anymore because they remind me of how my preferences change....

||Fall, Comfort Shows and Escapism..

As I find myself three seasons into my favourite show again, I involuntarily see the patterns and lack thereof every time I’m inclined to watch it.  Gilmore Girls. If you seek me out on a random day and ask me my favorite show, you may never get the same answer twice. I don’t like being held down to favorites and my mood swings like a chandelier most days. But if you ask me which show I gravitate towards most, this is the one I’ll quote. If you see me talking in weird phrases and references that don’t make sense, this show is the culprit. Having watched it over 7 times in just 3 years, it amazes me how I’ve watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. way less times even though it might be the show I look to for comfort. If you ask me what I watch when I’m sad, I’d probably say This is Us. Somewhere between the spectrum where one end is F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and the other This is Us, smushed between How I Met Your Mother, Suits, The Office, New Girl, and a number of other shows I like to rewatch, is Gilmore Gi...

||Friends? Sure..

I woke up this morning thinking about writing this post because I couldn’t fathom how one year we were going crazy with friendship bands, everything was simpler, love was friendship, movies were influential and then I wake up today and it’s a pretty normal day. Also I wanted to try out my cute new keyboard which otherwise seems like money not so pragmatically spent. I wanted to reminisce a little bit about all the different kinds of friends I’ve had over the years. The one you rang first on the landline every time you got the tiniest bit of gossip. The one you went running around the school playground with, jumping off corridors as your fancy birthday dress flew up in frilly cuteness. The one you spent hours with coming up with numbers to cryptic-name your multiple crushes/persons of interest. The same one you found sitting on the first bench after assembly, new to school but so old and wise beyond her age (still). The ones you keep thinking you’ve said goodbye to but they keep coming ...