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||Endings..

I just read an awesome blog so I wanted to write, plus its been long, really long.

I've always had a hard time with endings. Its not so much about something not existing anymore, rather about missing the essence of something that made your life concrete. Sixteen days from now, my college life comes to an end. Unlike school, where the feeling sunk in after I had already passed a year at college, this ending really stings. Firstly because I didn't interact with people for seven hours a day but actually lived with them. I shared happiness over innumerable cups of coffee. I woke up to the tunes of 'Kolaveri Di', kicking and screaming at my roommates to wake up and rush to the exam hall after having slept for just an hour. I shed silent tears at the window a few late nights and looked to my best friend to hug me amidst violent sobs a few other times. Being a person who has the emotional comfort level of about zero and is awkward around people by default, I actually made people smile when they were at their worst.

I'll miss gift hunting for birthdays and special occasions, striving so hard to get that perfect gift or birthday celebration for everyone who mattered.
I'll miss hanging out in the campus in evenings, sometimes catching a few lucky glimpses and sometimes dreading run-ins.
I'll miss late night philosophical conversations over Maggi about how we ended up totally different from what we wanted to be.
I'll miss having telepathic conversations with people who know what's on my mind with the slightest change in my expressions.
I'll miss waiting for that one call that never came, all the while trying to distract myself with listless things.
I'll miss making fun of people while sipping coffee sitting on the stairs near the buses in Campus 3 that never took us anywhere.
I'll miss my friends. Any and all of them. Ranging from the ones I had the smallest conversations with to the ones I spent entire days with to the ones who never came back.
I'll miss planning trips to places and never executing them.
I'll miss sudden movie plans and rushing to make it to the hostel within the entry time.
I'll miss staying up all night overthinking and watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. to make it all better.
I'll miss the food binges I went on when I was sad or disappointed or just bored.

I'll miss the strange classrooms where we floated paper boats in heavy rains, I'll miss the teachers who called us all sorts of funny things, I'll miss scoring from an 'O' to a 'D' but thankfully never an 'F' *touchwood*.I'll miss the long balcony-like pathways in the Electronics department where we used to sneak in during ongoing construction. I'll miss the nervous fits before every viva-voce, exam and presentation even though they all pretty much ended the same way. I'll miss D-block, and the times when we gave exams in the later half of the day. When we came out of the exam halls and cool breeze hit our faces and we went to 'Coffee Break' and entered our hostels late. I'll miss the pointless Facebook posts which turned into long, funny chats. I'll miss having chocolate icecream while taking a stroll with friends in a campus as beautiful as any. I'll miss late night phone calls about nothing in particular and everything in general. I'll miss the smirks on my friends' faces everytime I talked to a cute guy.

I'll miss the annoying bird that wakes me up every morning by pecking on my window. God, its annoying! I'll miss the intolerable heat in summers, having to shower as many as six times a day. I'll miss having people around who thought the same way as me and were awesome enough to stick around. I'll miss having the courage to say everything that came to my mind because this wasn't the 'serious' phase of my life. I'll miss being gifted "Bournville Cranberry"s and sticking the wrappers on my cupboard. I'll miss the birthday treats, the endless discussions about what to wear. I'll miss having days where I dressed up like a 'tapori' and also the ones where I actually behaved like a girl. I'll miss the huge pool of intellect around me. I'll also miss the dumb ones, the fake ones, and the rude ones for totally different reasons. I'll miss obsessing over Virat Kohli and Siddharth Malhotra along with my bestie.

Most of all, I'll miss me when I was here.

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