Skip to main content

||For real?

"You know what's the worst part about being a writer?"
"Enlighten me."
"You can't really differentiate between reality and fiction."
He looked confused, so she tried to explain - "For a writer there's always a thin line separating the fictional realm from the real one. The scary thing is, at most times the line is a little too blurry. Most of my stories are what really happened, parts of them are made up. Some things I write about, I've dreamt about. Others, I wish would happen."
She looked to see if he was bored, but his attention was rapt so she continued - "Over time, you give up all the segregations and start seeing everything in terms of words, in terms of stories. Like right now, you could really be here but could just as well be a figment of my imagination."
He pulled her hair - "I'm real."
"Oh I know." She said.
"Just making sure you do. Anyway, I still don't see how this is bad."
"Right now you're here, for real. When you're not, I'll still make you up with words."
His forehead creased so she interrupted him before he could even speak - "Just..bear with me. I'm not accusing you of leaving me. Yet." His brows furrowed further. "Okay..just listen."
"So when you're gone, IF you're gone, I'll still think of you. And when I think, I write. So I'll write you up to be this magnificent, better version of yourself because that's how you think of things in retrospect. I'll keep changing things I don't like about you, because I can. You won't be here to say no. So I'll just write what I want and I'll end up creating this totally different person - fictional, but parts of him would be real. So even when he is you, he technically isn't. That's where the line blurs. I'll project you the way I want to, not how you really are. That's how powerful words are, they can make you believe anything they say."
He was silent, she turned around to face an empty couch. She sighed. The hallucinations had been getting worse.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

||Tell me why..

He nudged her to bring her out of her reverie. She was lost again, zoned out, overthinking. "Penny for  your thoughts? Or do you want it to be punny?" She laughed in that way she only laughed with him and broke out of her spell. It was easy being around him, effortless. It didn't matter what she had to do to be near him or how many intolerable yet genius puns she had to endure to hear him giggle at his own damn jokes. Maybe that's exactly why she couldn't describe what about him made her happy. She had been asked that often, a lot, really. And she couldn't figure out how anybody who knew him even the tiniest bit couldn't understand it. It felt natural for her to gravitate towards him because he was it. Not in the epic love story and grand gestures way but just the I-can-just-be-myself-around-you-and-you-put-me-at-ease way. She was wound up and every year of her life and every incident that came along with it had built her up a nice, cosy layered wall tha...

Welcome to this stupid post

  It has been a year and a half since I last wrote anything, well, significant. (Coincidentally, also the exact age of my dog.) So I figured it was time to get out all the stupid. Here goes nothing. He’s twenty eight, almost twenty nine. January has always been a difficult month, it’s been the month of departures in his life. Most people are excited about the hope January brings with it, he’s terrifyingly cautious of the signs it brings - of people leaving, of things changing, and basically everything going to shit. His fears are not unfounded, he’s not a vague person like that. He’s seen things happen, he’s felt things hurt and he’s experienced darkness in its complete, mystifying totality. People think he's naïve, his problems self-made but tell that to the spiraling tornado in his head that won't quit screaming. Fast forward to two years later, it's his thirtieth birthday eve. He grew up celebrating and anticipating this month, now he plans to sleep well before midnight....

||Friends? Sure..

I woke up this morning thinking about writing this post because I couldn’t fathom how one year we were going crazy with friendship bands, everything was simpler, love was friendship, movies were influential and then I wake up today and it’s a pretty normal day. Also I wanted to try out my cute new keyboard which otherwise seems like money not so pragmatically spent. I wanted to reminisce a little bit about all the different kinds of friends I’ve had over the years. The one you rang first on the landline every time you got the tiniest bit of gossip. The one you went running around the school playground with, jumping off corridors as your fancy birthday dress flew up in frilly cuteness. The one you spent hours with coming up with numbers to cryptic-name your multiple crushes/persons of interest. The same one you found sitting on the first bench after assembly, new to school but so old and wise beyond her age (still). The ones you keep thinking you’ve said goodbye to but they keep coming ...