Skip to main content

||Not yet..

She looked over at her watch. 'He's late. Ughhh. Okay. You gotta chill. This is no big deal. It's just coffee. Chill.'
Ten minutes later, her phone rang. It was him. "Where are you? I can't see you."
"Right in front of you." She smiled and it soon turned into a grin. He had that effect on her.
"You know what they say about the thing you're searching for being right in front of you.." He smiled back at her as he took a seat next to her in the crowded coffee shop that had the most amazing smell of coffee beans surrounding them, enclosing them in their own little bubble, away from the crowd. This was one of his favorite cafés in the city. He used to come here a lot, mostly with a book for company. Only this time he had decided to read this beautiful girl instead.
'How can he say things like that and expect me not to fall for him.' Her heart questioned. She ignored this silly remark and went on to fall even harder for that smile that lit up her world. It was always the smile, she reflected to herself. The first thing she noticed in anybody, the one thing that determined how she felt about the other person. His smile was..different. When he smiled at her, it seemed like it was only meant for her. 'Key word. Seemed.' Her brain prodded.
He settled in comfortably on the couch, gauging the entire spectrum of expressions on her face. He saw flickers of hopelessness, pure joy and then hopelessness again. She was a mystery to him. Someone he couldn't figure out. He watched as the sunlight streaming in from the window behind her irritated her. She scrunched up her nose and furrowed her brows involuntarily. He shifted a little in his seat to make sure this irritation was short lived, involuntarily.
She saw him move so the light won't annoy her like it was no big deal. 'But it is!' Her heart found its voice again. 'Don't read too much into it. Do not read too much into any of it. It's an act. You're just another one of his trophies.' Her brain chided. As usual, she ignored the voices inside and concentrated on his smile which now gave her the message that he was amused. The waiter came and he ordered two cappuccinos. "How do you know I wouldn't want something else?" She tried to frame her curiosity in words. He was just as much of a mystery to her as she was to him. The fact that he didn't even ask what she wanted stung a little so she blurted out the question.
"Do you?" He asked. She slowly shook her head no. "I thought so.." He mumbled. "So how is the weekend treating you?" He asked her, a corner of his heart wanting her to mention this was the best part of it. "It's going the usual way. I'm being my lazy self and enjoying this little amount of solace before Monday strikes again and I have to go back to that sad little office that offers me no happiness." His lips immediately curved up. They seemed to have a mind of their own when she was around. As rarely as he smiled, most of it happened around her and his control-freak-self didn't like that much. But he kind of did. He loved that she had no filter when she spoke, she was abrupt and outspoken. She didn't think twice about how the person in front of her would react.
She regretted speaking an unnaturally long sentence as soon as she spoke it. She had a hard time keeping words inside of her. But in front of him, her words flowed without barriers. This was why she felt lighter around him but also scared that she might some day say too much and scare him off. She wanted to do everything in her power to make him stay around, for as long as possible. "Sorry about that outburst." She looked down at her coffee as she mumbled. They had drawn a silly smiley on the foam with its tongue sticking out. She smiled instantly.
He saw her smile, it was contagious. He knew all her smiles by now, by heart. The shy smile, the 'have I said too much?' smile, the crinkling up her nose smile when he cracked a stupid joke. There were so many, each a little different from the rest. Every time she smiled, he wanted to make that smile stay. He wanted to protect her from anything that would wipe her smile away. He didn't understand this instinct but felt very strongly about it. He saw her sip the coffee and get a foam moustache. She made a face at him to bring him out of his reverie, his observations. He took a tissue and wiped the foam off with it. As soon as he did that, he regretted it. He felt her bring up her walls again, saw her recoil into her shell.
Her heart had gone into a free fall and her head had shut her up lest she say something stupid. She felt scared. Her head reminded her of all the times she had let her heart have it's way and get it broken. She looked on as she saw him regret it too. Her heart broke. She was already a mistake to him. She smiled a sad smile, "I need to leave." With that she got up and left.
He sat there for a few minutes, trying to understand what had happened. He understood the walls, her defence mechanism. He even understood that she was scared and that was okay. He just needed a little more time to make her understand that her fears were irrational. But then he saw her sad. He couldn't understand that. She drove her crazy, every time they met, every time they talked, she felt like a time bomb that was biding it's time till it explodes. And every time he thought he was close to detonating it, he would cut the wrong wire. He sighed.
They were not in love. Not yet. They were drawn to each other in ways neither of them understood. Neither of them believed in love. They were in love with each other's company though. It was a holiday from all the crap this world threw at them. They found reasons to be happy in each other's smiles. They found themselves getting upset over the slightest frowns on each other's faces. But they were not in love. No. Not yet.

Comments

  1. Wow!
    The post-Tamasha effect, or does it have anything to do with reality?

    ReplyDelete
  2. A writer's reality always seeps into her fiction. She can't tell them apart.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow!
    The post-Tamasha effect, or does it have anything to do with reality?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you think?

Popular posts from this blog

||Labels..

'Introvert!' 'She's not much of a people person.' 'He's weird.' 'Annoying.' 'Perfect!' How dare you? How dare you limit an entire person, his whole life, her complete individuality to a single word? How do you describe a person you have barely, superficially known for only a chunk of his lifetime in a few, simple words? Is this why we have eulogies? To make up for all the limiting things we say about people when they're alive. Is it a way to apologise for trying to put down a number on the distance between their being and the horizon? Are we trying to make up for the infinite possibility in them that we carelessly ignore? 'How would you describe your personality?' 'I'm lazy. I prefer pulling up my blanket to turning off the fan 'cause the switch isn't an arm's length away. I put down books when I don't love them anymore because they remind me of how my preferences change....

||Is it really that hard?..

Case I : Our nights have grown shorter. We don't talk as much as we used to. We're too busy in our own worlds to even care if we miss each other. We don't reply to each other's messages. When one tries to converse, the other doesn't feel like it. Is it really that hard to take a little time to appreciate what we have? Or is it what we had? Case II : I don't wait for you to come online. You don't have time to listen to my worries any more. We don't talk about our career plans and insecurities together. You don't have time to feel protective of me anymore. Was it really that hard to keep up an innocent friendship? Case III : I looked at you from a distance and recognised your familiar face. I have it etched somewhere in my heart. I can sketch you smiling even when I'm half asleep. Your smile is what kept my world bright. Now I just have to endure the darkness with a sense of defeat. Is it really that hard to speak up your mind, for on...

||Fall, Comfort Shows and Escapism..

As I find myself three seasons into my favourite show again, I involuntarily see the patterns and lack thereof every time I’m inclined to watch it.  Gilmore Girls. If you seek me out on a random day and ask me my favorite show, you may never get the same answer twice. I don’t like being held down to favorites and my mood swings like a chandelier most days. But if you ask me which show I gravitate towards most, this is the one I’ll quote. If you see me talking in weird phrases and references that don’t make sense, this show is the culprit. Having watched it over 7 times in just 3 years, it amazes me how I’ve watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. way less times even though it might be the show I look to for comfort. If you ask me what I watch when I’m sad, I’d probably say This is Us. Somewhere between the spectrum where one end is F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and the other This is Us, smushed between How I Met Your Mother, Suits, The Office, New Girl, and a number of other shows I like to rewatch, is Gilmore Gi...